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Love for Life
6 Banbridge Road
Waringstown
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
BT66 7QA
Telephone - (028) 3882 0555
Fax - (028) 3882 0550
Web - www.loveforlife.org.uk
Email - info@loveforlife.org.uk
Copyright © 2001 Love for Life

FRIENDS

Introduction

Everyone wants and needs to have friends; both in school and out of school, and as well as needing to have friends, you also need to be a good friend to others.

Sometimes you and your friends may fall out and have a fight about something. In this section find out what you can do to help sort things out.

Maybe sometimes you feel like you can't do anything right and feel a bit down in the dumps. Especially when everyone around you - your family, friends, teachers - may be giving you a hard time. How you feel about yourself is called self-esteem, and your self-esteem can either be high or low. Read on to find out how you can increase your own personal self-esteem.

Within this section find out a bit more about friends, friendship and most importantly YOU. It is important that YOU feel good about yourself - there is only one YOU and YOU are special. If you feel good about yourself then you will be able to be the best that you can be.

Stories to Think About

I'm special

Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me. Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice. I'm special.

Nobody anywhere has my tastes for food or music or art. No one else sees things just as I do. In all of time there's been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries like me, and what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.

I'm the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combinations of talents, ideas, abilities and feelings.

Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony. Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do like me. I'm special. I'm rare.

And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept -- yes, celebrate -- my differences.

One day, when I was a first year student in secondary school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up. I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with my friends and me. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you’re gonna really build serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were doing our 'A' Levels, we began to think about university. Kyle decided on one university and I decided to go to another. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I wanted to do business studies.

Kyle was top of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for Speech Day. I was so glad I didn’t have to give a speech.

On Speech Day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during college. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

“Speech Day is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friends with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mum wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. He said, “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mum and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realise its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.

There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans

52 would be female
48 would be male

70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.

80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition

1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a university education
1 would own a computer

When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes very apparent. The following is also something to ponder...

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ...you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ...you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.

If you can read this message you are more blessed than over two thousand million people in the world that cannot read at all.

- perhaps now you feel a bit more special and luckier than you may have thought you were???

What is a Friend?

Everyone needs friends - in school and out of school. When you're younger, friends are the ones you play with in the playground, sit next to in class, or who live in the same street. Sometimes people make best friends right from nursery or primary school - playing, doing things together, and arguing with each other, all from an early age.

As you get older friends become even more important to you as you start to do more and more things with them. For example, you may go into town with friends, or go to the park, the cinema, or a local youth club.

Friendship

Remember, as well as you needing to have friends - you also need to be a friend to others. So how can you make sure that you have a good relationship with your friends?

There are many different types of relationships that you might have. At the moment you may have a relationship with your brothers or sisters, with your parents, with your teacher, or even your pet dog(!), as well as with all your friends.

You will have a different type of relationship with all of these different people. A relationship is the way that you talk to the other person, how you treat them - if you are nice to them or if you annoy them, what you do when you are with them, or perhaps whether you see them a lot or hardly ever.

Why do you think we have all these different sorts of relationships? Sometimes its because we have to, but in the case of our friends it is because we want to.

So how can you make sure that you have the best possible relationship with your friends? Most importantly a friendship should be a two-way relationship - if you want your friends to treat you well then you need to treat them well.

Above, there is a list of things that a good friend should do for you - if you want to have a good relationship with your friends then you need to do these same things for them.

If you can talk to your friend about things, then they should be able to talk to you about things. If they will stick by you through thick and thin, then you should be prepared to stick by them through thick and thin. And so on...

Fall Outs

Sometimes you can drift apart from your friends. Your mate moves to a different school or town, and it's hard to keep in touch.

Other times, you and your friends may fall out in a big way. You may have rows with your friends, but usually you make up again soon. But sometimes the rows are more serious; maybe your friend has been nasty, or gossiped about you, maybe you've let them down or something you said came out wrong.

Whatever the reason, sometimes friends have serious arguments. These can feel terrible. People who were part of your life, whom you relied on, are suddenly not there. And worse, they might be angry and hostile when you bump into them (as you probably will).

What can you do?

What About Me?

Sometimes you may feel like you can't do anything right, especially when everyone around you - your family, friends, and teachers - tell you you're stupid, ugly, clumsy, or just not perfect.

Self-esteem can either be positive or negative. Positive self-esteem is when you feel good about yourself, and you feel confident that there's things you can do and do well.

If you feel good about yourself, you have positive, or high self-esteem. But if you feel bad about yourself, you have negative, or low self-esteem. High self-esteem is important, but it can sometimes be difficult to keep up.

Most of us would like to be perfect but we can't! Humans aren't perfect! But making mistakes doesn't make you a failure. In fact, if you learn from your mistakes, you can get pretty skilled at about anything. Remember - no one is successful all the time.

There are times when you'll place a lot of importance on what your friends say. They may want you to do something you don't want to do, or they may say things about you that aren't too pleasant. Of course, all of this makes us feel bad, but you don't have to accept what they say or do. Sure, everyone wants to be liked, but if you have a positive self-esteem, then your friends’ attitudes won't necessarily affect yours - and that's important.

Truly successful people are those with higher positive self-esteem. They know that life isn't always fair, and many times they make mistakes. But they learn from their mistakes and don't see themselves as failing.

And while they have a great deal of respect for those around them, they know that other people's opinions aren't always right. Successful people know that to meet their goals, they have to feel good about themselves.

Is it like you see in the movies? An explosion, a thunderbolt sent from heaven that makes you feel fuzzy inside and causes you to have many a sleepless night? Let’s hear what 3 different couples had to say about their experiences of love.

I remember the first time I saw Simon. He was new in our school. He seemed so shy and lonely at first so I decided to try and be his friend. I really liked him. He was so good looking and such fun to be with. I could tell he liked me too. I started meeting him after school, and he always looked so trendy in his designer clothes. All the girls fancied him. They were all dead jealous of me. After a couple of weeks of getting to know him, Simon asked me out. I was so happy. I couldn’t sleep that night when I went home, and I didn’t feel hungry all the next day. It was as if I was in love.

Well, it is possible, but probably it is more likely that Janet and Simon’s relationship may fizzle out. They’re feeling great at the moment, but there’s more to love than just feelings. Ask anyone who is married. They’ll tell you that the cool feelings of excitement fade. You need something more to hold the relationship together.

2. Connor and Claire

I had been going out with Claire for about 3 months. We got on brilliantly, and I just knew from early on in the relationship that I loved her, and that she loved me too. So when we both felt ready, we decided to have sex. I was my first time, but not hers. The night was really special even though I felt a little insecure because I didn’t know what I was doing and she did. I knew she loved me, though, because if she didn’t she wouldn’t have wanted to sleep with me.

Does sex equal love? If someone says, “I love you” does that prove that they mean it? The answer to both these questions is “No.” A lot of people give sex to get love in return, and in the majority of cases, all they end up with is a broken heart. Connor and Claire’s relationship may progress into real love, but perhaps more likely the relationship could end. If it were to end how then would Connor and Claire feel?

3. Stephen and Cathy

Stephen and I had been friends for a couple of years before we started dating. I always thought he was a great guy but had never thought about him in that way before. But the more we hung out the more I liked him. He was a brilliant friend. He was always there when I needed him. One day he asked me to go out on a date. It was so exciting. We had such a laugh. Ever since then we’ve been an item, and I can honestly say Stephen is my best friend.

There is a good chance that Stephen and Cathy’s relationship may last and move into true love. Why? Because it’s based on friendship! Both had developed a good friendship before they got together and still claim to be best friends. This relationship has great potential as long as they don’t jeopardize it by getting too physical. They need to keep building on their friendship, getting to know each other and having fun.

All relationships in life are based on certain qualities. Read on to discover the essential ingredients that make up true love…

To make true love, mix together all the above in equal amounts. Be careful not to add anything that would make it go flat. Mix thoroughly together with a little understanding and put in the oven under a low heat. Allow lots of time to bake so the mixture can bind together slowly.