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Love for Life
6 Banbridge Road
Waringstown
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
BT66 7QA
Telephone - (028) 3882 0555
Fax - (028) 3882 0550
Web - www.loveforlife.org.uk
Email - info@loveforlife.org.uk
Copyright © 2001 Love for Life

www.whoschoosing.org.uk

BULLYING

Introduction
...bullying can make people very sad and hurt!

If you're being bullied, or if sometimes you are a bully ... if you're worried about someone who's bullying or being bullied ... then read on!

Nearly everyone is bullied at some time in their lives - by brothers and sisters, by neighbours, by parents, friends, or classmates.

Bullying hurts. It makes people miserable. It can make you so worried that you can't work well at school or you may even want to skip school to get away from it. It can make you feel that you are no good, that there is something wrong with you. Bullies can make you feel that it's your fault.

Nobody has the right to hurt other people by hitting them, calling them names, or spreading rumours about them. Bullying also includes taking your stuff, damaging your belongings, stealing your money and taking your friends away from you, or by doing anything else that is meant to be upsetting.

Anyone can be bullied no matter what you look like or who you are ... lets face it - for a bully any excuse will do!

If this is happening to you tell yourself that it is not your fault, and that it is the bullies who need to change, not you! Remember, no one deserves to be bullied.

I'm Being Bullied

Some people think that bullying is just part of growing up and a way for young people to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying can make young people feel lonely, unhappy and frightened.

If you are being bullied you may feel unsafe and think there is something wrong with you. Your confidence may be low and you may not want to go to school any more. You may feel sick more and you may lose contact with your friends.

You may feel lonely and think that you haven't got any friends. However, you're probably not the only one being bullied and there may be others forced to spend break and lunch hour on their own.

Keep your eyes open. If you see someone else on their own try to start a conversation - about anything; school work, if you think you know their sister, if you think they might live near you, anything at all. Sooner or later you'll find a genuine friend who likes you for who you are.

Sometimes bullies will take your friends off you, perhaps your friends are afraid they'll also be bullied if they go around with you. It's always very upsetting when friends turn against you which is a good reason to try to get on with as many different people as you can, even those in different years.

Sometimes bullying can make you feel very unhappy and upset and that life isn't worth living but you will come through it - you will come through it!

What Can I Do?

Coping and dealing with bullying can be difficult, but remember, you are not the problem, the bully is. You have a right to feel safe and secure.

Throughout this section you are told that the best thing to do to stop bullying is to tell someone 'you can trust' about what's going on. It may actually be quite hard to think of the right person to tell - so, how do you know who is the right person?

When you are happy and have good news to tell, who do you talk to? For example, if you did well in your exams, scored a goal for the school team or got a new boyfriend/girlfriend who would you tell?

You may find that the people you share good news with are also the same people that you should talk to about not so good things - grandparents, parents, friends, teachers, brothers or sisters!

Things YOU can do:

If someone is bullying you, you should always tell an adult you can trust. This isn't telling tales. You have the right to be safe and adults can do things to get bullying stopped.

It can be hard to tell someone, so if you don't feel you can do it in person it might be easier to write a note explaining how you feel.

An adult needs to know so something can be done.

If you're different in some way, be proud of it!

Spend time with your friends - bullies hardly ever pick on people if they're with others in a group. Tell a friend what is happening - ask for help - it will be harder for the bully to pick on you if you have a friend with you for support.

Try to stay in safe areas of the school at break time where there are plenty of other people - bullies don't like witnesses.

On the school bus, try to sit near the driver, or if it's the ordinary bus, by other adults.

If you have to walk to or home from school, and you're afraid of being ambushed, then vary your route, try to leave home and school a bit later or a bit earlier, or see if you can walk with other people who live near you, even if they're older or younger.

Try to ignore the bullying or say 'No' really firmly, then turn and walk away. Don't worry if people think you are running away. Remember, it is very hard for the bully to go on bullying someone who won't stand still to listen.

Try not to show that you are upset or angry. Bullies love to get a reaction - it's 'fun.' If you keep calm and hide your emotions, they might get bored and leave you alone - "they can't bully you if you don't care."

Keep a diary of what is happening. Write down details of what is happening and how you feel. When you decide to tell someone, a written record of the bullying makes it easier to prove what has been going on. You may also go and see your doctor to get the problem officially recorded.

Things YOU should NOT do:

Don't try to deal with the problem on your own - there is nothing wrong in asking for help when you are in trouble.

Don't hit the bullies - you might end up being accused of bullying yourself.

Don't make things up - always tell the truth about what has happened. If a small part of what you are saying is untrue then people will doubt everything else that you say.

Don't believe the lies that the bullies tell about you.

Don't hide what is happening from the adults you trust. Keeping things secret is the bullies biggest weapon against you. That is why they go to so much trouble to try to keep you from telling.

If you see a friend being bullied please tell someone about it. People who are being bullied need friends so if you can help someone who is so unhappy please do. You could encourage them to talk to an adult, or you could offer to talk to an adult for them. If you do nothing, you're saying that bullying is okay with you!

Am I a Bully?

You may think that a bully is the big bloke in the year who thinks he's hard and has everyone afraid of him, which may be correct, but there are far more types of bullies than that.

Nobody really thinks of himself or herself as a bully. But sometimes what may seem like a bit of fun is actually making the other person feel pretty bad.

You have to think to yourself - would I like to be treated the same way that I treat other people:

- would I like to be told my hair looks stupid in front of my mates

- would I like to be beat up in the back of the bus

- would I like to be talked about by my friends

- would I like to have rumours spread about me

- would I like to be left out of the crowd

- would I like to be spat at, pinched, kicked

- would I like to have to do someone else's homework

- would I like to be called names

If you have ever bullied someone, think about why you did it.

Bullies may see bullying as a way of being popular, showing off, or making himself or herself look tough and in charge. Maybe they have their own problems - they may feel upset or angry or feel that they don't fit in - perhaps they have problems at home.

Some people bully to get attention, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be bullied themselves.

Do you really want to be a bully? Probably not - make sure that you treat other people the way you would like to be treated yourself.

If you are bullying, or have bullied someone, it is a good idea to get some help. Who could you talk to? ... a teacher? a friend? a brother or sister? a parent?

Tips to Cope

From Mary: Whatever you do - TELL SOMEONE! Make people listen to you and don't take no for an answer. Make a logbook of bullying incidents to use as evidence if need be. You should have the right to live without fear. Don't think that you're being a 'grass' - why should you do a bully a favour by keeping quiet? Bullying thrives on silence and secrecy.

From Pete: It is never, ever your fault. Step back and assess the whole situation and try to find out why it is going on. Find someone you can really trust and tell them everything. Don't hold any details back. Remember this is your life and you don't have to suffer for anyone.
Take no crap! Life is too short. If you don't stand up for yourself you will regret it later in life and it will affect you. It will stop. Have faith and courage in yourself and it will get you through.

From Will: Try to find out who else is being bullied, strength in numbers does work; If you can't tell your parents, tell your grandparents as it is usually much easier; At school breaks try to be somewhere safe such as in detention or the library; If bullies pick up on something like the way you walk, try to laugh at yourself and carry on acting as you were before because most bullies I have known taunt you because you don't like it. If you agree with them, they lose their point.

From Olivia: The most important thing is to tell someone. It may not be that easy, I know I have been there! But from my experience I have learnt that you can't just sit around and wait for it to stop. You have to do something.